Saturday 7th December 2013
By Luke Johnson
\"Why can\'t you just be nice?\"
Well that\'s one cup we\'re out of. In truth it was a game we never gave ourselves a chance of winning either. I\'m gonna do some complaining in this report, but none of it sour grapes. On the day we were beaten by the better side.
We journeyed to somewhere called Wrotham, which is actually closer than it sounds, to play a cup quarter final on astroturf. Here\'s my first moan. The team we played were 2 or 3 divisions above us and sitting in mid-table. Looking closer at their results they had won all their home games and lost all their aways. The reason for this is that they don\'t play football on a football pitch. It\'s a disgrace that cup games can be played on these pitches, I\'m not even counting it as a proper loss.
Pre-match we received the funniest, yet worst text message ever. It was from Gibbo, our keeper. It read: \"Can\'t play today. Had my work party last night. Have woken up in Swindon\".
Thankfully Sam Clarkson answered my SOS and definitely broke the speed limit to get to the \"pitch\" on time.
Preparations were further hampered when Rich Pile, in his own words \"pulled his a***hole\" in the warm up. Genuinely never heard of a pulled anus before.
For the first 20 minutes we were taught a lesson in how to play on astroturf. A great goal and a couple of defensive lapses left us 3-0 down. Slow starts, an incredibly annoying constant this season.
About midway through the first half we remembered this wasn\'t training and started to play. In truth we were the better side for the next 65 minutes. We got a goal back before half time. It was a thing of beauty. With the other team thinking they were Barca, we remembered that in football it is perfectly OK to smash the ball as high as you can, chase it and knock it in with your backside. What a goal.
Lloyd very nearly added his second a minute later, smashing a great strike off the bar.
The second half was boring on the whole. We created a few chances, but couldn\'t force a second goal, which I\'m sure would have galvanised us enough to get an equaliser. Would love a rematch on grass against this lot, think it\'d be closer than 3-1.
We have to remember that in our first season together we\'ve outplayed a side 2 divisions above for large chunks of the game and beaten 4 sides from leagues above already this season as well as being unbeaten in the league. This is scant consolation to any of us tho, coz we all hate losing.
Those of us on the line had the dubious pleasure of meeting the world\'s busiest man. I don\'t say this in life much, but I hope I never have to speak to or meet \"Really busy, can\'t take a joke, man\" ever again.
This leads me on to my next moan. At some point in the game one of the opposition shouted at one of our players \"Why can\'t you just be nice?\".
None of our team are in a position where we are looking for extra friends. We\'ve got enough. Football on a Saturday isn\'t Match.com. We don\'t go into games hoping that were gonna meet our new bestest friend. We just like winning, going out, and winning some more. Don\'t get me wrong, most of us know a lot of people we play against. When that happens we play, then have a beer after. But being nice on the pitch? Drop me out.
Anyways league next, big big game. Let\'s just remember to Be the Shield and Be Nice throughout.
Team - Sam Clarkson; Dave Martin, George Belchamber, Lee Cross, Rich Tapsfield; Lou Hussey (Joe Slater), Ad Ellson, Matt Ellis; Lloyd Miller, Al Barnes, Russell Nethercot (Tom Delaney)
Man of the match: George Belchamber