Sunday 17th December 2006
By Chris Ponulak
The season of Advent is upon us and anyone with just a slight inkling of religious knowledge knows the significance of this time of year, being a time of preparation.......thus there we were, in the changing room preparing to count a full squad, but not for the first time players had let us down. Yes indeed, in this age of technical and computerised advancement, for some players to actually pick up a phone and call the club to say "I can''t make it" is an impossibility of gigantic proportions....I mean it must take at least 30 seconds of their precious time. But heh, don’t worry lads, the mere fact that you drop the whole team in deep doo-doo with no time to find replacements is a real help. Cheers!!!!!
Heh but this is the season of goodwill, so what we will do is phone you, you can then say "I will be there in 10 minutes" and not turn-up.........classic.
To the game then, both teams were fielding a dodgy goalkeeper, but their one seemed to be able to kick the ball without screaming out in pain. Perhaps it was Toby’s howls that spurred us on to play very well under the circumstances. Indeed we were just as good as them for the first twenty, until they scored.......................and then the killer blow, literally, on the stroke of half time they scored a second, a lead of 2-0 they did not deserve. By then of course we had already lost one of our players due to injury, indeed Stewart "Few dollars more" Savage, had obviously forgot to reload his rifle and had to abandon the gunslinging match due to saddle-soreness. Don’t worry Van Cleef, they always come back in the final scene, and blast the inki-bums to oblivion.
We began the second half well and dominated play, but unfortunately with no recognised forwards found it hard to get in their area. But the commitment of the team in such adversity was admirable, and in short spells we put some really nice, neat moves together............it was a shame we could not have a winning Christmas bonus, a players pre-Christmas meal, a twelve player squad, a whole team drink afterwards, or Toby putting his hand in his pocket and treating the squad to a bottle of orange and a mince pie! NEWS FLASH... Mickey Gearing comes out of mummification to play a blinder at left back, with bandages and body parts left all over the pitch, ”Our general" makes it through another 90 minutes of footy......not bad at 68, and that’s just one of his legs!!!!!!!!!!!! So the Christmas "I can''t be bothered to have a Christmas meal with the lads" team were: Toby ”Star of Bethlehem" Harlow, Steve "The last Noel" Blanchard, Patrice "Bringer of myrrh" Mongelard, Colin "Archangel" Ebdon, Chris "And a partridge in a pear tree" Bourlet, Paul "5 gold rings" Storkey, Kevin ''Little drummer boy Joseph" Wolstencroft, Lee "Turtle dove" Southby, Mick "Jingle bells" Gearing, Stewart "Silent Night - cause I got the silencer on" Savage, and Chris "Santa''s little helper" Ponulakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
So just before I leave this 2006 with merry cheer, and in case you thought I forgot......so if Santa Claus is coming to town, where exactly is Winter Wonderland, as according to my peripheral vision the Night Star is what we should be following, but due to pollution levels causing hazy cloud filled skylights the magnification on my inaccurate barlow lens slips 7 degrees north, thus eclipsing the solar planetary systems by one quark. In this state of navigational inexactitude my promised bearings, via the little star of Bethlehem, actually fixates itself over Wapping - thus reversing the whole previously held belief that our True Master was born in Arab held territory, alas, never mind, I believe in Father Christmas, even if he is a Northerner.
Happy Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all.
Luv Ya ...Jimmy The Fish
P.S. Player of the match. Patrice Mongelard............Well done!